My Vampire Harem Will Dominate Everything

I didn\'t really know what to expect from a vampire bureaucrat but it sure wasn\'t using superpowers to materialize a bloody magical printer. I wonder what this one is.

The square shaped toaster-like machine sat innocently on the table. Who knows? It could be a weapon of mass destruction.

"This is a scriber." Ms. Red explained. "It tattoos whatever you want onto the body. You can get your personal scriber from our specialty store down in the basement. Place your forearm on the scriber. Whatever happens, do not be alarmed."

Vampires have stores? Honestly, at this point, I shouldn\'t be surprised.

Ezra placed his hand on the scriber and watched as it unfolded like a spider, letting his arm sink inside. It closed, encasing his forearm. He swallowed nervously. Hope this thing doesn\'t chop arms off.

"We shall begin inscribing your identification number."

Ezra began to feel needles prickling his skin rapidly. In two minutes, it was done. The scriber unfolded, allowing him to retrieve his arm.

On his forearm were dark red, almost black letters. He read his new identification number.

C7V107023

"Congratulations, Mr. Ezra. You are now a legal citizen of The Vampire Society."

The letters tingled and curiously, he directed vitality into the tattoo. He watched as the letters shined slightly from his skin, blinking in a rainbow of colors.

"Cool." His first tattoo. Genesis nudged him playfully.

"Are we done?" Olivia asked.

"Yes." Ms. Red answered.

"Let\'s go."

As they turned to leave, Ms. Red called out. "Wait!"

They turned to see her staring bashfully at them. "Mr. Ezra. If you ever need a new wife, I\'m fully available."

Ezra stared at her in shock. What just happened? Did she just offer to be my wife? All he could do was nod dumbly before turning to leave.

"Wait!"

There\'s more?

"If you don\'t need a wife, can I come to you for copulation? I can pay."

Copulation? Don\'t vampires have a practice of having sex to increase their vitality? She\'s willing to pay to have sex with me? Is this how valuable male vampires are? The other dudes must be raking in cash. A million credits, here I come!

Ezra turned to Olivia who nodded thoughtfully. "We\'ll contact you when we make a decision." She said.

Just like that? Ezra didn\'t know it was possible but he was even more shocked. A woman who, according to the contract we signed is now my wife just gave a tentative approval for a fuck buddy. That was when it really sank in. My life has truly changed.

With that settled, they exited the office and walked back into the eyewear store. "Where are we going next?" Ezra asked.

"Let\'s get your first monster tattoo!" Gen cheered.

Ezra smiled as they turned to leave the store. His very own superpower. Finally!

"Hey guys. Tell me, how do I look?" They turned sharply to see Mr. X wearing a ridiculously big sunglass on his mask. They all stared at him in shocked silence. First, they\'ve managed to forget the situation they were in. Second, who wears a sunglass on a mask?

"You all must be dumbstruck at how handsome I look, right?" X sighed mournfully, before placing the glasses back on display. "Follow me."

With a glance at each other, they followed.

X led them to an elevator which they took down to the parking lot in basement level two. He stalked forward like he was in a spy movie. "Shhh!" He placed a finger on where his mouth should be on the mask. "They\'re watching."

What\'s with this dude? Who in the heavenly hells handed two hundred million credits to this nutjob because there\'s no way he made that money himself.

X peeked around the corner before rolling to the cover of a parked car.

"What are you doing?" Gen asked curiously.

"Hiding from Malachi." X shuddered with exaggeration. "How can someone that short be so scary? Uh... no offense to short people."

Olivia stepped out into the open. "If Malachi is really here, things won\'t be this quiet."

"Really?" X asked eagerly. "Phew! I wouldn\'t want to face that guy in battle."

"How are you so.... cowardly?" Gen asked. "Don\'t you have dignity?"

"Dignity? What\'s that?" He placed his hand on his chin in a thinking pose before perking up in exaggerated realization. "Oh! Dignity! Yeah, I had it but I sold it for two hundred million credits. I\'m sure you guys know what I used it for."

They all stared at him, trying to figure out if he was joking or being truthful. Probably a bit of both.

X straightened up and dusted himself off nonchalantly. "Onward my noble knights!" He led the way to an old battered hover car fitted with wheels.

"What\'s this?" Gen asked.

"It\'s a hover car." He answered like it was obvious and it totally was.

"With wheels? Did we somehow transport ourselves back to the twenty first century?"

"Oh! The wheels are for if the car breaks down in the middle of the road. Don\'t worry though. That almost never happens. Solomon\'s a gentle beast." He patted the car before getting in, sitting at the back. "What are you guys waiting for?

Get in."

"You named your car after Count Solomon?" Gen stared flatly at him.

"Aren\'t you guys getting in?" X drawled.

They sighed as they climbed into the car. Gen took the passenger\'s seat and Ezra joined him at the back.

"Where to?" Olivia asked from the driver\'s seat.

"Quantum observatory." X stretched as Olivia froze. "Oh! You didn\'t think I know? Why else would I spend that ridiculous amount of money? Don\'t bother trying anything. Those chains around your neck do things other than glowing beautifully."

Olivia\'s hands went to her neck, where the tattoo was covered by the collar of her blouse.

Gen turned in her seat, watching X. "What\'s going on?"

"Nothing much." X answered. "We\'re just heading to the place where our dear Olivia hid the page from the Book of Nightmares."

What the hell? That\'s what he\'d definitely been after! Was he Count Solomon\'s insurance? No. If he was, he wouldn\'t be at odds with Malachi. "How did you know where she hid it?" Ezra asked.

"I\'ve got eyes everywhere, buddy. That\'s why you can\'t see them." He giggled like he just made a great joke.

This dude is scary! Even Count Solomon doesn\'t know where the page is! The jokes and exaggerations must be an act. This guy seems so harmless. A wolf in sheep clothing. That\'s what makes him even more scary.

Ezra shifted away from X. He\'s so unpredictable. Who knows what he\'ll do next.

Olivia sighed before starting the car. The engine sputtered before roaring to life.

X yawned as they left the T-Max building. "Now that\'s more like it."