If You Could Hear My Heart

“It’s gone. Height, age, time of death, plus the drug components—I think they explain quite a few things.”

Shen Chi fell silent, no longer speaking, as if all his strength had been drained from his body!

His gaze was empty as he stared quietly at the skeleton…

“Mumu… Mumu…”

Muttering under his breath, he walked over.

Was this the little girl who liked to do her homework by his side, who enjoyed playing pranks, who liked to pull at his clothes? The little imp?

She was very much alive, calling him “Fourth Brother” sweetly, shamelessly hugging his neck and begging for a kiss, “Kiss me, kiss me”…

She would laugh, make a fuss, cry, get angry…

How could she possibly be this cold, lifeless corpse in front of him…

He walked over, slowly walked over…

“CEO Shen, don’t go over there…” Xiao Mo warned with concern.

How could Shen Chi listen? He approached, and separated by the protective barrier, he wanted to reach out and touch her.

“Mumu… why would you rather die than stay by my side? Why?”

His voice was full of sorrow, tears flowing down from the corners of his eyes as his shoulders trembled.

“Mumu… if there’s a next life, marry me, I will use all of me to love you. Marry me, I want you to be happy all your life, let’s have several children, don’t you really like daughters? When our daughter is born, she will call you ‘mommy’ and me ‘daddy’…”

“Mumu, promise me, even if you don’t want to, just get up and promise me…”

“Can you hear me?! Have you gotten too proud to listen to me now, haven’t you? Xu Chaomu, tell me, do you want to marry me?”

Even as a man himself, Xiao Mo couldn’t help but shed tears at these words.

“CEO Shen… Please be rational, the dead cannot be brought back to life.”

“I want to hold her…” Shen Chi’s voice was hoarse.

Through the glass, his gaze could not hide the sorrow.

“CEO Shen, it’s not possible, if the bacteria spread, it could be lethal!” Xiao Mo insisted righteously.

“What does it matter if I die? Without her, I’ve been living a life worse than death.” Shen Chi’s eyes were unfocused and drifting.

“CEO Shen, don’t think like that. There’s still a long way to go. What’s past will pass, we have to look forward!”

“Xiao Mo, find someone to open the glass, go!”

“CEO Shen, it’s impossible, I won’t do it, it’s too dangerous!”

“You won’t do it, will you? Do you believe I will break this glass right now?”

“CEO Shen, please be calm!” Xiao Mo embraced Shen Chi tightly, “If you agree, you can take the ashes back to the Shen Family, but you mustn’t do anything too dangerous!”

“Let go of me!”

While Shen Chi fixated on the skeleton, a thought suddenly struck him!

“No, I will not let go! CEO Shen, please accept my condolences.”

“Call the forensic doctor!”

“The forensic doctor?” Xiao Mo was stunned.

“I know how to confirm if it’s Chaomu. Call the forensic doctor!”

“Okay…” Xiao Mo, with determined eyes, swiftly ran off.

Shen Chi had lived with Xu Chaomu for eight years; if he said there was a way, then there must be one!

Soon, the forensic doctor arrived.

“Forensic doctor, check to see if there’s a gunshot wound on her back!”

The fully-equipped forensic doctor, with only his eyes visible, nodded, “Okay.”

And thus began the tense examination.

Time ticked away by the second, and Shen Chi’s heart nearly leapt out of his throat.

This was his last hope…

It must not be there.

After what felt like an eternity, the forensic doctor came out!

He shook his head calmly: “There are no signs of injury, let alone a gunshot wound.”

At that moment, Shen Chi was overwhelmed with mixed emotions, floundering like a child.

No signs of injury meant that it wasn’t Xu Chaomu, it couldn’t be.

He just knew it; she was still alive, she had to be!

“Xiao Mo! Keep searching for me!”

Shen Chi strode out of the room, not looking back!

“CEO Shen, is it possible that Miss Xu didn’t have a gunshot wound?”

“Impossible!”

That was the one thing Shen Chi was certain of, because Wen Zhiyuan had said that the bullet had grazed Xu Chaomu’s bone.

Remembering that bullet, Shen Chi’s chest ached dully once more.

She had taken that bullet for him; it must have hurt her so much…

“It’s good that it’s impossible.” Xiao Mo wiped off his sweat.

He too hoped it wasn’t Xu Chaomu.

“Keep searching.”

Those were the last three words Shen Chi left for Xiao Mo before departing from Sumatra Island.

Keep searching, until he reached the end of life.

After returning to the country, it began to snow again.

Everywhere was gloomy, the snowfall growing heavier.

At first, it drifted down like willow fluff, then, it turned into paper flakes, large chunks swirling about.

Shen Chi’s stomach was failing him; he no longer stubbornly persisted but chose to be hospitalized.

Admitted to the hospital, he watched the falling snowflakes outside the window, watched the shifting of the sun, the moon, and the stars.

Sometimes, he would read the newspaper, sometimes, he would take out old photos, never looking at anything but Xu Chaomu.

And the puppet too, the one he gave her when she was ten years old. He had brought it with him, placing it beside his bed.

He stayed in that hospital for a month.

His stomach was thoroughly damaged from alcohol.

The snow seemed to be endless this winter, still falling on the day he was discharged.

C City hadn’t seen such a heavy snowfall in a long time; the news reported it as a once-in-fifty-years blizzard.

Everywhere was white, as if the world had been stripped of all color but this monotonous one.

Shen Chi donned his black coat and stood by the window lighting up a cigarette.

As the world changed, it had been exactly seven months since she left him.

He knew that whether it was seven months or seven years, or even seventy years, he would never forget her.

The person whose love had seeped into his marrow, he would never forget for eternity.

His fingers holding the cigarette, he slowly exhaled a puff of smoke.

His gaze never left the front, far away lay the endless white snow.

On the empty ground, he seemed to see that lively little figure again.

“Fourth Brother, come make a snowman with me.”

“Childish.”

“Did you ever have a childhood? If you don’t make a snowman with me today, it means you like me!”

“Boring.”

“Shen Chi, you jerk, no matter what I do you find it bothersome, do you hate me?!”

She angrily formed a snowball and hurled it right at him.

Later, he didn’t know that she had cried an entire afternoon in her room.

It was the butler who told him, her room’s wastebasket was full of soaked tissues.

If he could choose again, he would accompany her…

After finishing one cigarette, he lit another.

The smoke curled by the window, blurring his vision.

Beneath his feet, the cigarette butts piled up, too many to count.

And so he watched the hospital’s vacant lot, saw the pure white snow covering the ground.

Memory scattered, disordered an entire winter.

Disordered five full springs and autumns.